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GodCain GodCain ist weiblich
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hallo,
Ich weiß das es schon spät ist aber wir haben die hausaufgabe erst heute aufbekommen und ich war erst um 8 Uhr zu hause.
Ich wollte fragen ob jemand meine Hausaufgabe korriegieren könnte?
Wir sollten einen Brief schreiben zu einer Geschichte. Aber ich bräuchet nur eine Grammatikalische Korrektur.
Also falls es jemand macht würde ich mich sehr freuen!

Dear Lola,
how are you? I’m homesick! I miss you so much! And I miss England and my house. Here in Rhodesia they be behind the times. You have to imagine, these people life in shacks! In small, grubby shacks! You know, a flight is very tiring and all I want is to go to bed. But in thise shack all people sleep in one room in the dirt. Fancy that! I’m al Lady, I don’t’t deservers life like this. But I will start with the beginning.
When we arrived everybody welcome us. Well, I was shocked. All this native people touch me, embrace me and talked to me in Shona. I don’t understand what they told me. I mean I haven’t speak Shona since five years. The whole think is a source of some embarrassment to me. I only think: “Help me! Just anybody!” But no one help me. My mother talked in Shona to these people and my brother only standing next to me an look around.
Later my brother and I we looks how the village is like. And I have to say it’s quite simply and so dirty. That’s beneath me!
In the afternoon we had a rest, but in the evening there was a celebration outside the house from my cousin Tambu. Tambu told me something in Shona and I took a long time to understand. Before we went to England and lived in this village Tambu was my best friend. But she is so, I don’t know the right word, she is so simple, so brassy. I remembered speaking to Tambu freely and fluently before we went away, eating wild fruits with her, and swimming in the river.But that’s long time ago. Now she had become a stranger.And I don’t want to remember that five years go I was one of them.
I stand a long time at the siede and watch the strange dance as my mother told me to sit next to her. My mother told me someshing about the village, but I don’t listen. I only hear that my mother used words like ‘dirty’ and ‘sleep’. But I only concentrated on the celebration. I don’t know what got into me, but I had the wish to dance with the other people. I like the sound of the drums. My body want to get up and move with the rhythm. As I asked my mother to join the dance she became angry an told me that I have to rest. Then I told her that I want to dance and to join the fun. A woman, I think that it was my aunt, came to us and told my mother that we should dance. My mother said offended that we could go dance. But my stupid brother refused politely that we are tiered and that we don’t want to dance. I was so angry and I turned myself off an go into the shark. And there I sit now and wrote this letter.
But I have to end now, the celebration is over and everybode go to bed.
Love,
Nyasha
18.11.2008 21:48 GodCain ist offline E-Mail an GodCain senden Beiträge von GodCain suchen Nehmen Sie GodCain in Ihre Freundesliste auf
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Hallo,

so spät sind meistens nicht mehr viele Moderatoren online - wir haben auch mal Feierabend und müssen ja auch irgendwann ins Bett, damit wir fit für die Schule oder Arbeit sind! Augen Zwinkernd

Außerdem ist dein Text viel zu lang für eine Korrektur im Forum. Wir können leider nur Texte bis 150 Wörter (-> Text Korrekturen) korrigieren.

Was mir auf den ersten Blick auffällt ist, dass du zum einen sehr viele Schreib- bzw. Tippfehler machst (everybode, someshing, tiered, ...). Liegt vielleicht auch daran, dass es schon spät war, aber zum Korrekturlesen sollte trotzdem Zeit sein. Wenn du den Text in einem Textverarbeitungsprogramm schreibst, kannst du auch die Rechtschreibprüfung verwenden.

Zum anderen musst du besonders auf deine Verben achten, dass sie in der richtigen Zeit und der richtigen Form stehen. Du wechselst in deinem Brief sehr oft die Zeit; das meiste ist ja schon in der Vergangenheit passiert, also musst du dort auch past tense verwenden und darfst nicht zwischendurch wieder in die present tense wechseln! (z.B. When we arrived everybody welcome us. Well, I was shocked. All this native people touch me, embrace me and talked to me in Shona. I don’t understand what they told me.)

Ich bin mir sicher, dass du solche Fehler sehr gut selbst verbessern kannst.

Liebe Grüße
Kathrin
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Hallo,
vielen dank das wusste ich nicht!

Mit Rechtschreibfehlern und Zeiten...genau das ist eben mein problem, ich bin leider in Englisch nicht so eine Leuchte

LG
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Also sehr, sehr viel von dem, was in deinem Text falsch ist, hat gar nichts damit zu tun, ob man eine Leuchte in Englisch ist oder nicht, da geht es einfach nur um genaues, sorgfältiges Arbeiten. Versuch doch mal, deinen Text noch mal gründlich zu überarbeiten. Am Wochenende hab ich ein bisschen mehr Zeit, da kann ich dann drüber schauen, wenn du magst...aber vorher musst du noch mal ran.

LG
Kathrin
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ok, mach ich vielen dank
20.11.2008 22:03 GodCain ist offline E-Mail an GodCain senden Beiträge von GodCain suchen Nehmen Sie GodCain in Ihre Freundesliste auf
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Ich habe es nocheinmal überarbeitet!
Ich hoffe es ist jetzt besser:

Dear Lola,
how are you? I’m homesick! I miss you so much! And I miss England and my house. Here in Rhodesia they be behind the times. You have to imagine, these people life in shacks! In small, grubby shacks! You know, a flight is very tiring and all I want is to go to bed. But in these shack all people sleep in one room in the dirt. Fancy that! I’m a Lady, I don’t’t deservers life like this. But I will start with the beginning.
When we arrived everybody welcomed us. Well, I was shocked. All this native people touched me, embraced me and talked to me in Shona. I don’t understand what they told me. I mean I haven’t speak Shona since five years. The whole think is a source of some embarrassment to me. I only think: “Help me! Just anybody!” But no one help me. My mother talked in Shona to these people and my brother only standing next to me an look around.
Later my brother and I we looked how the village is like. And I have to say it’s quite simply and so dirty. That’s beneath me!
In the afternoon we had a rest, but in the evening there was a celebration outside the house from my cousin Tambu. Tambu told me something in Shona and I took a long time to understand. Before we went to England and lived in this village Tambu was my best friend. But she is so, I don’t know the right word, she is so simple, so brassy. I remembered speaking to Tambu freely and fluently before we went away, eating wild fruits with her, and swimming in the river.But that’s long time ago. Now she had become a stranger.And I don’t want to remember that five years go I was one of them.
I stand a long time at the siede and watch the strange dance as my mother told me to sit next to her. My mother told me someshing about the village, but I don’t listen. I only hear that my mother used words like ‘dirty’ and ‘sleep’. But I only concentrated on the celebration. I don’t know what got into me, but I had the wish to dance with the other people. I like the sound of the drums. My body want to get up and move with the rhythm. As I asked my mother to join the dance she became angry an told me that I have to rest. Then I told her that I want to dance and to join the fun. A woman, I think that it was my aunt, came to us and told my mother that we should dance. My mother said offended that we could go dance. But my stupid brother refused politely that we are tiered and that we don’t want to dance. I was so angry and I turned myself off and go into the shark. And there I sit now and wrote this letter.
But I have to end now, the celebration is over and everybode go to bed.
Love,
Nyasha
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Hallo,

naja, sehr viel besser ist es immer noch nicht - du hast ja nicht mal alle Fehler ausgebessert, die ich dir in meinem letzten Beitrag rot angestrichen habe. crazyeyes
So macht eine Korrektur keinen Sinn.

LG
Kathrin
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ich habe alle Fehler ausgebessert die ich verstanden habe!
Wenn ich etwas nicht verbessert habe dann weil ich nicht verstanden habe was daran falsch ist. Könntest du mir vll sagen was ich noch falsch gemacht hätte?
das fände ich wirklich nett
LG

Dieser Beitrag wurde 1 mal editiert, zum letzten Mal von GodCain: 22.11.2008 21:40.

22.11.2008 21:35 GodCain ist offline E-Mail an GodCain senden Beiträge von GodCain suchen Nehmen Sie GodCain in Ihre Freundesliste auf
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Du willst mir jetzt aber nicht ernsthaft sagen, dass du nicht weißt, was an everybode, someshing, tiered, falsch ist?!
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ich habe die Wörter doch verbessert!
23.11.2008 00:14 GodCain ist offline E-Mail an GodCain senden Beiträge von GodCain suchen Nehmen Sie GodCain in Ihre Freundesliste auf
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Hm, dann musst du aber die falsche Version ins Forum gestellt haben, denn hier sind diese Wörter noch immer falsch geschrieben.

Dear Lola,
how are you? I’m homesick! I miss you so much! And I miss England and my house. Here in Rhodesia they be behind the times. You have to imagine, these people life (nicht das Verb mit dem Nomen verwechseln, die beiden schreibt man unterschiedlich) in shacks! In small, grubby shacks! You know, a flight is very tiring and all I want is to go to bed. But in these shack all people sleep in one room in the dirt. Fancy that! I’m a Lady, I don’t’t deservers life like this. But I will start with the beginning.
When we arrived everybody welcomed us. Well, I was shocked. All this ("this" kann man nur für die Einzahl verwenden - Erklärung und Übung hier: http://www.kico4u.de/english/uebungen/5klasse/thisthat1.htm) native people touched me, embraced me and talked to me in Shona. I don’t ("don't" ist present simple, du brauchst aber past tense) understand what they told me. I mean I haven’t speak (du brauchst die 3. Verbform = past participle) Shona since (für Zeitspannen nimmt man nicht "since" - siehe http://www.kico4u.de/english/uebungen/7k...forandsince.htm) five years. The whole think is a source of some embarrassment to me. I only think: “Help me! Just anybody!” But no one help me. My mother talked in Shona to these people and my brother only standing next to me an look around.
Later my brother and I we looked how went to see what the village is like. And I have to say it’s quite simply ("simply" ist das Adverb, du brauchst aber das Adjektiv, weil es sich auf ein Nomen bezieht, nämlich darauf, wie das Dorf ist and so dirty. That’s beneath me!
In the afternoon we had a rest, but in the evening there was a celebration outside the house from my cousin Tambu my cousin Tambu's house. Tambu told me something in Shona and I took a long time to understand. Before we went to England and lived in this village Tambu was my best friend. But she is so, I don’t know the right word, she is so simple, so brassy. I remembered speaking to Tambu freely and fluently before we went away, eating wild fruits with her, and swimming in the river.But that was a long time ago. Now she had become a stranger.And I don’t want to remember that five years go I was one of them.
I stand a long time at the siede and watch the strange dance as my mother told me to sit next to her. My mother told me someshing about the village, but I don’t listen. I only hear that my mother used words like ‘dirty’ and ‘sleep’. But I only concentrated on the celebration. I don’t know what got into me, but I had the wish to dance with the other people. I like the sound of the drums. My body want to get up and move with the rhythm. As I asked my mother to join the dance she became angry an told me that I have to rest. Then I told her that I want to dance and to join the fun. A woman, I think that it was my aunt, came to us and told my mother that we should dance. My mother said offended that we could go dance. But my stupid brother refused politely and said that we are tiered and that we don’t want to dance. I was so angry and I turned myself off (ich weiß nicht, was du damit sagen willst) and go into the shark ("shark" ist das Wort für Haifisch Augen Zwinkernd). And there I sit (welche Zeit nimmt man denn für Dinge, die gerade jetzt im Moment passieren?) now and wrote this letter.
But I have to end now, the celebration is over and everybode go to bed.
Love,
Nyasha

Dort, wo ich nichts dazugeschrieben habe, ist es entweder ein Zeitfehler oder das Wort ist falsch geschrieben (-> im Wörterbuch nachschauen).

LG
Kathrin
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Hallo,
danke für die korrektur, ich habe es jetzt verbessert, und hoffe das alles richtig ist:
Dear Lola,
how are you? I’m homesick! I miss you so much! And I miss England and my house. Here in Rhodesia they were behind the times. You have to imagine, these people live in shacks! In small, grubby shacks! You know, a flight is very tiring and all I want is to go to bed. But in these shack all people sleep in one room in the dirt. Fancy that! I’m a Lady, I don’t deservers life like this. But I will start with the beginning.
When we arrived everybody welcomed us. Well, I was shocked. All these native people touched me, embraced me and talked to me in Shona. I didn’t understand what they told me. I mean I haven’t spoke Shona for five years. The whole thing is a source of some embarrassment to me. I only think: “Help me! Just anybody!” But no one helped me. My mother talked in Shona to these people and my brother only stood next to me and look around.
Later my brother and I went to see what the village is like. And I have to say it’s quite simple and so dirty. That’s beneath me!
In the afternoon we had a rest, but in the evening there was a celebration outside the my cousin Tambu's house. Tambu told me something in Shona and I took a long time to understand. Before we went to England and lived in this village Tambu was my best friend. But she is so, I don’t know the right word, she is so simple, so brassy. I remembered speaking to Tambu freely and fluently before we went away, eating wild fruits with her, and swimming in the river.But that was a long time ago. Now she had become a stranger.And I don’t want to remember that five years ago I was one of them.
I stood a long time at the side and watched the strange dance as my mother told me to sit next to her. My mother told me something about the village, but I didn’t listen. I only heard that my mother used words like ‘dirty’ and ‘sleep’. But I only concentrated on the celebration. I don’t know what got into me, but I had the wish to dance with the other people. I liked the sound of the drums. My body wanted to get up and move with the rhythm. As I asked my mother to join the dance she became angry and told me that I have to rest. Then I told her that I wanted to dance and to join the fun. A woman, I think that it was my aunt, came to us and told my mother that we should dance. My mother said offended that we could go dance. But my stupid brother refused politely and said that we were tired and that we didn’t want to dance. I was so angry and I turned myself off and go into the shack. And there I sat now and write this letter.
But I have to end now, the celebration is over and evrrybody went to bed.
Love,
Nyasha
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Hallo GodCain,

so ist es schon viel besser, ein paar Sachen musst du dir aber nochmal anschauen.

Dear Lola,
how are you? I’m homesick! I miss you so much! And I miss England and my house. Here in Rhodesia they were are (sie ist zum Zeitpunkt, wo sie das schreibt, immer noch dort und es ist immer noch so, deswegen present tense) behind the times. You have to imagine, these people live in shacks! In small, grubby shacks! You know, a flight is very tiring and all I want is to go to bed. But in these shack all people sleep in one room in the dirt. Fancy that! I’m a lady , I don’t deservers (was macht dieses "rs" da??) life like this. But I will start with the beginning.
When we arrived everybody welcomed us. Well, I was shocked. All these native people touched me, embraced me and talked to me in Shona. I didn’t understand what they told me. I mean I haven’t spoken (speak - spoke - spoken => die 3. Form hat ein -n hinten dran) Shona for five years. The whole thing is a source of some embarrassment to me. I only think (hier gehört auch noch past tense): “Help me! Just anybody!” But no one helped me. My mother talked in Shona to these people and my brother only stood next to me and look around.
Later my brother and I went to see what the village is like. And I have to say it’s quite simple and so dirty. That’s beneath me!
In the afternoon we had a rest, but in the evening there was a celebration outside the my cousin Tambu's house. Tambu told me something in Shona and I took a long time to understand. Before we went to England and lived in this village Tambu was my best friend. But she is so, I don’t know the right word, she is so simple, so brassy. I remembered speaking to Tambu freely and fluently before we went away, eating wild fruits with her, and swimming in the river.But that was a long time ago. Now she has become a stranger. And I don’t want to remember that five years ago I was one of them.
I stood a long time at the side and watched the strange dance as my mother told me to sit next to her. My mother told me something about the village, but I didn’t listen. I only heard that my mother used words like ‘dirty’ and ‘sleep’. But I only concentrated on the celebration. I don’t know what got into me, but I had the wish to dance with the other people. I liked the sound of the drums. My body wanted to get up and move with the rhythm. As I asked my mother to join the dance she became angry and told me that I have (past tense, weil es reported speech ist. In der direkten Rede würde sie sagen "You have to rest" = present tense. In der reported speech wird die Zeit eine Stufe zurückgesetzt, also past tense) to rest. Then I told her that I wanted to dance and to join the fun. A woman, I think that it was my aunt, came to us and told my mother that we should dance. My mother said offended that we could go dance. But my stupid brother refused politely and said that we were tired and that we didn’t want to dance. I was so angry and I turned myself off ("turn off" macht für mich in diesem Zusammenhang keinen Sinn, aber wenn du mir nicht sagst, was du damit ausdrücken möchtest, kann ich dir keinen Verbesserungsvorschlag machen) and go into the shack. And there I sat (hier habe ich gesagt, du sollst die richtige Zeit für Handlungen, die gerade passieren, nehmen. Du kannst auch hier nachsehen, was für eine Zeit das ist: http://www.kico4u.de/english/grammatik/uebersicht.html Sogar in Signalwort ist da)now and write this letter.
But I have to end now, the celebration is over and everybody went (Vielleicht ist es richtig, aber ich kenne den Text nicht. Sind die anderen schon zu Bett gegangen? Oder tun sie es gerade, als sie den Brief beendet?) to bed.
Love,
Nyasha
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Dear Lola,
how are you? I’m homesick! I miss you so much! And I miss England and my house. Here in Rhodesia they are behind the times. You have to imagine, these people live in shacks! In small, grubby shacks! You know, a flight is very tiring and all I want is to go to bed. But in these shack all people sleep in one room in the dirt. Fancy that! I’m a lady , I don’t deserve life like this. But I will start with the beginning.
When we arrived everybody welcomed us. Well, I was shocked. All these native people touched me, embraced me and talked to me in Shona. I didn’t understand what they told me. I mean I haven’t spoken Shona for five years. The whole thing is a source of some embarrassment to me. I only thought: “Help me! Just anybody!” But no one helped me. My mother talked in Shona to these people and my brother only stood next to me and looked around.
Later my brother and I went to see what the village is like. And I have to say it’s quite simple and so dirty. That’s beneath me!
In the afternoon we had a rest, but in the evening there was a celebration outside the my cousin Tambu's house. Tambu told me something in Shona and I took a long time to understand. Before we went to England and lived in this village Tambu was my best friend. But she is so, I don’t know the right word, she is so simple, so brassy. I remembered speaking to Tambu freely and fluently before we went away, eating wild fruits with her, and swimming in the river.But that was a long time ago. Now she has become a stranger. And I don’t want to remember that five years ago I was one of them.
I stood a long time at the side and watched the strange dance as my mother told me to sit next to her. My mother told me something about the village, but I didn’t listen. I only heard that my mother used words like ‘dirty’ and ‘sleep’. But I only concentrated on the celebration. I don’t know what got into me, but I had the wish to dance with the other people. I liked the sound of the drums. My body wanted to get up and move with the rhythm. As I asked my mother to join the dance she became angry and told me that I had to rest. Then I told her that I wanted to dance and to join the fun. A woman, I think that it was my aunt, came to us and told my mother that we should dance. My mother said offended that we could go dance. But my stupid brother refused politely and said that we were tired and that we didn’t want to dance. I was so angry and I turned myself off (in text steht das so: she turned herself off ) and went into the shack. And there I sitingnow and writing this letter.
But I have to end now, the celebration is over and everybody went (sie gehen grade ins Bett) to bed.
Love,
Nyasha
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Hallo GodCain,

I don’t deserve a life like this.

And there I siting now and writing this letter.
But I have to end now, the celebration is over and everybody went (sie gehen grade ins Bett) to bed.

Die present progressive, die man in solchen Fällen verwendet, besteht immer aus einer Form von "to be" und dem Verb in der -ing-Form. Und "sitting" schreibt man mit zwei t
=> Es muss hier "I am sitting" heißen. Und im nächsten Satz gehört natürlich auch present progressive, wenn sie jetzt gerade ins Bett gehen.
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Dear Lola,
how are you? I’m homesick! I miss you so much! And I miss England and my house. Here in Rhodesia they are behind the times. You have to imagine, these people live in shacks! In small, grubby shacks! You know, a flight is very tiring and all I want is to go to bed. But in these shack all people sleep in one room in the dirt. Fancy that! I’m a lady , I don’t deserve a life like this. But I will start with the beginning.
When we arrived everybody welcomed us. Well, I was shocked. All these native people touched me, embraced me and talked to me in Shona. I didn’t understand what they told me. I mean I haven’t spoken Shona for five years. The whole thing is a source of some embarrassment to me. I only thought: “Help me! Just anybody!” But no one helped me. My mother talked in Shona to these people and my brother only stood next to me and looked around.
Later my brother and I went to see what the village is like. And I have to say it’s quite simple and so dirty. That’s beneath me!
In the afternoon we had a rest, but in the evening there was a celebration outside the my cousin Tambu's house. Tambu told me something in Shona and I took a long time to understand. Before we went to England and lived in this village Tambu was my best friend. But she is so, I don’t know the right word, she is so simple, so brassy. I remembered speaking to Tambu freely and fluently before we went away, eating wild fruits with her, and swimming in the river.But that was a long time ago. Now she has become a stranger. And I don’t want to remember that five years ago I was one of them.
I stood a long time at the side and watched the strange dance as my mother told me to sit next to her. My mother told me something about the village, but I didn’t listen. I only heard that my mother used words like ‘dirty’ and ‘sleep’. But I only concentrated on the celebration. I don’t know what got into me, but I had the wish to dance with the other people. I liked the sound of the drums. My body wanted to get up and move with the rhythm. As I asked my mother to join the dance she became angry and told me that I had to rest. Then I told her that I wanted to dance and to join the fun. A woman, I think that it was my aunt, came to us and told my mother that we should dance. My mother said offended that we could go dance. But my stupid brother refused politely and said that we were tired and that we didn’t want to dance. I was so angry and I turned myself off and went into the shack. And there I am sitting now and writing this letter.
But I have to end now, the celebration is over and everybody is going to bed.
Love,
Nyasha

Ist es so besser?
ich bin mir nicht sicher ob es nur going heißt oder is going
28.11.2008 16:29 GodCain ist offline E-Mail an GodCain senden Beiträge von GodCain suchen Nehmen Sie GodCain in Ihre Freundesliste auf
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Hallo GodCain,

die Korrekturen passen (den Rest hab ich mir nicht nochmal angesehen).

Natürlich heißt es "Everybody is going to bed" und nicht nur going. Ich hab ja das letzte Mal geschrieben, dass eine Form von "be" dabei sein muss.
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ok, vielen dank!
01.12.2008 20:19 GodCain ist offline E-Mail an GodCain senden Beiträge von GodCain suchen Nehmen Sie GodCain in Ihre Freundesliste auf
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